Converts to Islaam
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Converts to Islaam
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This the home page of
The
Introduction and Decision (©
Aminah Assilmi. Published by Islamic Research and Information Foundation)
I
was completing a degree in Recreation, when I met my first Muslims. It was the
first year that we had been able to pre-register by computer. I preregistered
and went to Oklahoma to take care of some family business. The business took
longer than expected, so I returned to school two weeks into the semester (too
late to drop a course).
I
wasn't worried about catching up my missed work. I was sitting at the top of my
class, in my field. Even as a student, I was winning awards, in competition with
professionals.
Now,
you need to understand that while I was attending college and excelling, ran my
own business, and had many close friends, I was extremely shy. My transcripts
actually had me listed as severely reticent. I was very slow to get to know
people and rarely spoke to anyone unless was forced to, or already knew them.
The classes I was taking has to do administration and city planning, plus
programming for children. Children were the only people I ever felt comfortable
with.
Well,
back to the story. The computer printout held one enormous surprise for me. I
was registered for a Theatre class...a class were I would be required to perform
in front of real live people. I was horrified! I could not even ask a question
in class, how was I going to get on a stage in front of people? My husband was
his usual very calm and sensible self. He suggested that I talk to the teacher,
explain the problem, and arrange to paint scenery or sew costumes. The teacher
agreed to try and find a way to help me out. So I went to class the following
Tuesday.
When
I entered the classroom, I received my second shock. The class was full of
'Arabs' and 'camel jockeys'. Well, I had never seen one but I had heard of them.
There
was no way I was going to sit in a room full of dirty heathens! After all, you
could catch some dreadful disease from those people. Everyone knew they were
dirty, not to be trusted either. I shut the door and went home. (Now, there is
one little thing you should know. I had on a pair of leather hot pants, a halter
top, and a glass of wine in my hands...but they were the bad ones in my mind.)
When
I told my husband about the Arabs in the class and that there was no way i was
going back, he responded in his usual calm way. He reminded that I was always
claiming that God had a reason for everything and maybe I should spend some time
thinking about it before I made my final decision. He also reminded me that I
had a scholars award that was paying my tuition and if I wanted to keep it, I
would have to maintain my G.P.A.. Three credit hours or 'F' would have destroyed
my chances.
For
the next two days, I prayed for guidance. On Thursday I went back to the class
convinced that God had put me there to save those poor ignorant heathens from
the fires of hell.
I
proceeded to explain to them how they would burn in the fires of hell for all
eternity, if they did not accept Jesus as their personal savior. They were very
polite, but did not convert. Then, I explained how Jesus loved them and had died
on the cross to save them from their sins. All they had to do was accept him
into their hearts. They were very polite, but still did not convert. So, I
decided to read their own book to show them that Islam was a false religion and
Mohammed was a false God.
One
of the students gave me a copy of the Qur'an and another book about Islam, and I
proceeded with my research. I was sure I would find the evidence I needed very
quickly. Well, I read the Qur'an and the other book. Then I read another 15
books, Sahih Muslim and returned to the Qur'an. I was determined I would convert
them! My studies continued for the next one and half years.
During
that time, I started having a few problems with my husband. I was changing, just
in little ways but enough to bother him. We used to go to the bar every Friday
and Saturday, or to a party, and I no longer wanted to go. I was quieter and
more distant. He was sure I was having an affair, so he kicked me out. I moved
into an apartment with my children and continued my determined efforts to
convert the Muslims to Christianity.
The,
one day, there was a knock on my door. I opened the door and saw a man in a long
white night gown with a red and white checkered table cloth on his head. He was
accompanied by three men in pajamas. (It was the first time I had ever seen
their cultural dress.) Well, I was more than a little offended by men showing up
at my door in night clothes. What kind of a woman did they think I was? Had they
no pride or dignity? Imagine my shock when the one wearing the table cloth said
he understood I wanted to be a Muslim! I quickly informed him I did not want to
be a Muslim. I was Christian. However, I did have a few questions. If he had the
time....
His
name was Abdul-Aziz Al-Shiek and he made the time. He was very patient and
discussed every question with me. He never made me feel silly or that a question
was stupid. He asked me if I believed there was only one God and I said yes.
Then he asked if I believed Mohammed was His Messenger. Again I said yes. He
told me that I was already a Muslim!.
I
argued that I was Christian, I was just trying to understand Islam. (Inside I
was thinking: I couldn't be a Muslim! I was American and white! What would my
husband say? If I am Muslim, I will have to divorce my husband. My family would
die!)
We
continued talking. Later, he explained that attaining knowledge and
understanding of spirituality was a little like climbing a ladder. If you climb
a ladder and try to skip a few rungs, there was danger of falling. The Shahadah
was just the first step on the ladder. Still we had to talk some more.
Later
that afternoon, May 21, 1977 at Asr', I took Shahadah. However, there were still
some things I could not accept and it was my nature to be completely truthful so
i added a disclaimer. I said: "I bear witness that there is no god but God
and Mohammed is His Messenger" 'but, I will never cover my hair and if my
husband takes another wife, I will castrate him.'
I
heard gasps from the other men in the room, but Abdul Aziz silenced them. Later
I learned that he told the brothers never to discuss those two subjects with me.
He was sure I would come to the correct understanding.
The
Shahadah was indeed a solid footing on the ladder to spiritual knowledge and
closeness to God. but it has been a slow climb. Abdul Aziz continued to visit me
and answer my questions. May Allah reward him for his patience and tolerance. He
never admonished me or acted like a question was stupid or silly. He treated
each question with dignity and told me that the only stupid question was the one
never asked. Hmmm...my grandmother used to say that.
He
explained that Allah ahd told us to seek knowledge and questions were one of the
ways to accomplish that. When he explained something, it was like watching a
rose open - petal by petal, until it reached its full glory. When I told him
that I did not agree with something and why, he always said I was correct up to
a point. The he would show me how to look deeper and from different directions
to reach a fuller understanding. Alhamdulillah!
Over
the years, I had many teachers. Each one special, each one different. I am
thankful for each one of them and the knowledge they gave. Each teacher
helped me to grow and to love Islam more. As my knowledge increased, the changes
in me became more apparent. Within the first year, I was wearing hijab. I have
no idea when I started. It came naturally, with increased knowledge and
understanding. In time I even came to to a proponent of polygamy. I knew that if
Allah had allowed it, there had to be something good in it.
"Glorify the name of thy Guardian - Lord
Most High, Who hath created, and further, given order and proportion; Who hath
measured, and granted guidance; and Who bringeth out the (green and lush)
pasture, and doth make it (but) swarthy stubble, By degrees shall We teach thee
(The Message), so thou shalt not forget, except as Allah wills: for He knoweth
what is manifest and what is hidden. And We will make it easy for thee (to
follow) the simple (path)." (Al-A'la 87:1-8)
When I first started to study Islam, I did not expect to
find anything that I needed or wanted in my personal life. Little did I know
that Islam would change my life. No human could have ever convinced me that I
would finally be at peace and overflowing with love and joy because of Islam.
This book spoke of THE ONE GOD, THE
CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. It described the beautiful way in which He had
organised the world. This wondrous Qur'an had all the answers. Allah is The
Loving! Allah is the Source of Peace! Allah is the Protector! Allah is the
Forgiver! Allah is the Provider! Allah is the maintainer! Allah is the Generous
One! Allah is the Responsive! Allah is the Protecting Friend! Allah is the
Expander!
"Have we not expanded thee thy breast? And
removed from thee thy burden the which did gall thy back? And raised high the
esteem (in which) thou (art held)? So, verily, with every difficulty, there is
relief: Verily, with every difficulty there is relief!"
(Al-Ishirah, 94: 1-6)
The Qur'an addressed all the issues of existence and showed
a clear path to success. It was like a map forgiving, an owner manual for life!
How Islam changed my Life
"How much more we love the light...If once we lived in Darkness."
When I first embraced Islam, I really did not think it was
going to affect my life very much. Islam did not just affect my life. It totally
changed it.
Family life: My husband and I loved each other very deeply. That love
for each other still exists. Still, when I started studying Islam, we started
having some difficulties. He saw me changing and did not understand what was
happening. Neither did I. But then, I did not even realise I was changing. He
decided that the only thing that could make me change was another man. There was
no way to make him understand what was changing me because I did not know.
After I realised that I was a Muslim, it did not help
matters. After all...the only reason a woman changes something as fundamental as
her religion is another man. He could not find evidence of this other man...but
he had to exist. We ended up in a very ugly divorce. The courts determined that
the unorthodox religion would be detrimental to the development of my children.
So they were removed from my custody.
During the divorce, there was a time when I was told I
could make a choice. I could renounce this religion and leave with my children,
or renounce my children and leave with my religion. I was in shock. To me this
was not a possible choice. If I renounce my Islam....I would be teaching my
children how to be deceptive. For there was no way to deny what was in my heart.
I could not deny Allah, not then, not ever. I prayed like I had never prayed
before. After the thirty minutes was up, I knew that there was no safer place
for my children to be than in the hands of Allah. If I denied him, there would
be no way in the future to show my children the wonders of being with Allah. The
courts were told that I would leave my children in the hands of Allah. This was
not a rejection of my children!
I left the courts knowing that life
without my babies would be very difficult. My heart bled, even though I knew,
inside, I had done the right thing. I found solace in Ayat-Ul-Khursi.
"Allah! There is no god but He - the Living,
the Self-subsisting, Supporter of all. No slumber can seize him nor sleep. His
are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His
presence except as He permitteth? He knoweth what (appeareth to His creatures
as) Before or After or Behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His
knowledge except as He willeth. His Throne doth extend over the heavens and the
earth, and he feeleth no fatigue in guarding and preserving them for He is Most
High, The Supreme (in Glory)."
(Al-Baqarah, 2:255)
This also got me started looking at all the attributes of
Allah and discovering the beauty of each one.
Child custody and divorce were not the only problems I was
to face. The rest of my family was not very accepting of my choice either. Most
of the family refused to have anything to do with me. My mother was of the
belief that it was just a phase and I would grow out of it. My sister, the
'mental health expert' was sure I had simply lost my mind and should be
institutionalised. My father believed I should be killed before placed myself
deeper in Hell. Suddenly I found myself with no husband and no family. What
would be next?
Friends: Most of my friends drifted away during that first year. I
was no fun anymore. I did not want to go to parties or bars. I was not
interested in finding a boyfriend. All I ever did was read that 'stupid' book
(the Qur'an) and talk about Islam. What a bore. I still did not have enough
knowledge to help them understand why Islam was so beautiful.
Employment: My job was next to go. While I had won just about every
award there was in my field and was recognised as a serious trend setter and
money maker, the day I put on hijab, was the end of my job. Now I was without a
family, without friends and without a job.
In all this, the first light was my grandmother. She
approved of my choice and joined me. What a surprise! I always knew she had alot
of wisdom, but this! She died soon after that. When I stop to think about it, I
almost get jealous. The day she pronounced Shahadah, all her misdeeds had been
erased, while her good deeds were preserved. She died so soon after accepting
Islam that I knew her 'BOOK' was bound to be heavy on the good side. It fills me
with such joy!
As my knowledge grew and I was better able to answer
questions, many things changed. But, it was the changes made in me as a person
that had the greatest impact. A few years after I went public with my Islam, my
mother called me and said she did not know what this 'Islam thing' was, but she
hoped I would stay with it. She liked what it was doing for me. A couple of
years after that she called again and asked what a person had to do to be a
Muslim. I told her that all person had to do was know that there was only ONE
God and Mohammed was His Messenger. Her response was: "Any fool knows
that. But what do you have to do?" I repeated the same information and
she said: "Well...OK. But let's not tell your father just yet."
Little did she know that he had gone through the same
conversation a few weeks before that. My real father (the one who thought I
should be killed) had done it almost two months earlier. Then, my sister, the
mental health person, she told me that I was the most 'liberated' person she
knew. Coming from her that was the greatest compliment I could have received.
Rather than try to tell you about how each person came to
accept Islam, let me simply say that more members of my family continue to find
Islam every year. I was especially happy when a dear friends, Brother Qaiser
Imam, told me that my ex-husband took Shahdah. When Brother Qaiser asked him
why, he said it was because he had been watching me for 16 years and he wanted
his daughter to have what I had. He came and asked me to forgive him for all he
had done. I had forgiven him long before that.
Now my oldest son, Whittney, has called, as I am writing
this book, and announced that he also wants to become Muslim. He plans on taking
the Shahadah as the ISNA Convention in a couple of weeks. For now, he is
learning as much as he can. Allah is The Most Merciful.
Over the years, I have come to be known for my talks on
Islam, and many listeners have chosen to be Muslim. My inner peace has continued
to increase with my knowledge and confidence in the Wisdom of Allah. I know that
Allah is not only my Creator but, my dearest friend. I know that Allah will
always be there and will never reject me. For every step I take toward Allah, He
takes 10 toward me. What a wonderful knowledge.
True, Allah has tested me, as was promised, and rewarded me
far beyond what I could ever have hoped for. A few years ago, the doctors told
me I had cancer and it was terminal. They explained that there was no cure, it
was too far advanced, and proceeded to help prepare me for my death by
explaining how the disease would progress. I had maybe one year left to live. I
was concerned about my children, especially my youngest. Who would take care of
him? Still I was not depressed. We must all die. I was confident that the pain I
was experiencing contained Blessings.
I remembered a good friend, Kareem Al-Misawi, who died of
cancer when he was still in his 20's. Shortly before he died, he told me that
Allah was truly Merciful. This man was in unbelievable anguish and radiating
with Allah's love. He said: "Allah intends that I should enter heaven with
a clean book." His death experience gave me something to think about. He
taught me of Allah's love and mercy. This was something no one else had ever
really discussed. Allah's love!
I did not take me long to start being aware of His
blessings. Friends who loved me came out of nowhere. I was given the gift of
making Hag. Even more importantly, I learned how very important it was for me to
share the Truth of Islam with everyone. It did not matter if people, Muslim or
not, agreed with me or even liked me. The only approval I needed was from Allah.
The only love I needed was from Allah. Yet, I discovered more and more people,
who for no apparent reason, loved me. I rejoiced, for I remembered reading that
if Allah loves you, He causes others to love you. I am not worthy of all the
love. That means it must be another gift from Allah. Allah is the Greatest!
There is no way to fully explain how
my life changed. Alhamdulillah! I am so very glad that I am a Muslim. Islam is
my life. Islam is the beat of my heart. Islam is the blood that courses through
my veins. Islam is my strength. Islam is my life so wonderful and beautiful.
Without Islam, I am nothing and should Allah ever turn His magnificent face from
me I could not survive.
"O Allah! let my heart have light, and my
sight have light, and my hearing (senses) have light, and let me have light on
my right, and let me have light on my left, and let me have light above me, and
have light under me, and have light in front of me, and have light behind me;
and let me have light." (Bukhari, vol. 8. pp. 221, #329)
Converts
Sisters Brothers
