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Other "People's" Sisters Kids
Do
you know a sister, relative or neighbor with kids who drive
you crazy
with their misbehavior?
I think we all
know one family that fits this description. It puts you into a very
uncomfortable position. You know you can't discipline the kids, but you
want to be able to enjoy your time with their family. What to do? Here
are a few ideas that may help Insha Allah:
When
possible, meet at your home. Let all the kids know exactly what your
expectations are. In other words, My house, my rules. Be kind and
friendly, but firm, "Khaalid in this house we don't jump on the
sofa. "Often the kids who misbehave at home will behave
correctly when given rules to follow at your house.
Don't
try to raise other people's kids. Focus on the specific issue at
hand.Find a solution to the problem only to the extent necessary to make
things run smoothly where your child or your property is involved. but
if you can advice, do it nicely to the parent.
3. Don't stew and mumble.
It's
easy to gripe and complain about a kid's behavior. It doesn't solve
anything. Instead, avoid accusing or blaming. Simply state the problem
and suggest solutions. May be the sister has tried but nothing is
working. Once you have a plan calmly follow it through.
4. Let them handle it.
Memorize
this line, "They're not my kids .But its waajib on you to
help your fellow Muslim and advice, Muslims should be a mirror
for each other." Allow the parents to deal with the misbehavior
(or not deal with it, as the case maybe). If you have advised her and
offer help with no response than there is nothing else you can do. It's
her decision at the end of the day. Step in only to protect your kids or
your property.
5. Visit without the kids.
Do
you enjoy the parents, but dread time spent with their kids? Arrange for
more visits to occur when the kids are in school or otherwise occupied.
Or meet at another sister's house where most of the pressure is off you,
or when the kids will need to be left home.
6. Pick your battles.
Ignore
the petty stuff, focus on the important things, and be thankful and grateful
to Allah that you haven't got the problem, your children are well
behave, or to be put to such a trial and make du'a for the family.
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Mini-Tip
Q:
How can you stop kids from interrupting adult
conversations? A:
Interrupting is a common problem, but one that is easily solved!
Try using this solution: Explain
to your child that if she wants something when you're talking to
another adult that she should walk up to you and gently squeeze
your arm. You
will then squeeze her hand to let her know that you know she's
there and that you'll be with her in a minute. When
you first implement this idea it's important that you respond
quickly so that your child can see the success of this method.
Over time you can wait longer. Just give a gentle squeeze every
few minutes to remind your child that you remember her request. What
if your child "forgets" to use the squeeze and
interrupts you? Pause, look your child in the eye, politely say,
"I'm talking. I'll be with you shortly.' Then turn your face,
body and attention away from your child. Do not engage her with
repeated please to stop, nor should you answer her request When
she does remember the proper way to approach you it's
important that you praise her for remembering to use her good
manners.
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