This the home page of
Say what you mean Mean what you Say
I wish you'd
get dressed." "I think you should start on your report."
"It would be nice if you cleaned up your room." "Be
good."
Fuzzy
statements like these leave kids wondering exactly how they should
respond. Kids interpret them at face value which leads to battles. It
helps kids cooperate when parents are very specific with their requests.
Say please
The
Prophet never spoke in a harsh voice. It will not harm you to be nice!
Saying please softens your request and when followed with a specific
call to action it can get a kid moving. And adding a "thank
you" or "Jazakul Allahu khairan" is adding an assumptive
close! "Please take out the trash before dinner. Thank you.
Jazakul Allahu khairan" The added benefit here is that you are
modeling the behavior you want your child to learn.
Be Specific
When
you say "Clean your room." your child hears, "Shove
everything under the bed so I can't see it." In essence, he is
doing as he was told. Prevent this miscommunication by being very clear,
"Please put clothes in the closet, toys in the toybox, and books
on the shelf." Now THAT is very clear.
Think
Often,
we make half-hearted request of our child, and when he doesn't respond
we just drop it. Typically, this happens over little issues, and we drop
it because it's not worth fighting over. The problem is, a child gets in
the habit of ignoring you, on both little issues and big ones. When you
take a breath, take a minute and think first, you can then be clear with
your request, and willing to follow through to the end.
Eye-to-Eye
How
often do you call to your child from another room and expect him to
listen? Do you then have to follow up with, "Did you hear me?"
Instead, take the time to get eye-to-eye with your child. Make a clear,
specific request and then ask, "What do I need?" When your
child tells you what you said it helps him remember! For example, your
child is in the next room playing a game or reading a book. Go to him,
look him in the eye, and say, "Yusuf. Please take out the trash
before dinner. Now, what do you need to do?" When Yusuf says,
"I need to take the trash out before dinner." he has given himself
clear instructions and is likely to follow through! Insha Allah
Pick Your
Battles
Parenting
is a 24-hour-a-day job. If you try to deal with every issue, fix every
problem and be a constant teacher and coach you will drive yourself C R
A Z Y! Instead, before you open your mouth, take a minute to decide if
this issue is worth a battle. If you decide that it is - then win it at
all costs! This will prevent you from choosing the wrong battle,
realizing it midstream, and then letting your child win because it's
really not important. The danger is that your child doesn't know you've
changed your mind due to a better decision. He figures you changed your
mind because he put up a good fight ...which leads him to try again the
next day and the next. Fight the important battles,like the doing of
Salaat the wearing of Hijaab, and using du'a good skill and a level head
-WIN! It's good for you, and best for your child.
|
Mini Tip The
Higher You Go The Lower I Go What
usually happens when your child raises his voice? You raise yours!
Then both of you are yelling and nobody is being heard. Instead,
try the higher/lower technique. The higher your child raises his
voice, the lower and slower you respond. There is a great illusion
of power when you lower your pitch and tone. Stay calm and
controlled and you'll have a better chance of being heard. Your
child may calm down, too, yes this really works Masha Allah. |
View My Guestbook
Sign My Guestbook
|
|
Vocabulary
Master
Arabic
Quraa'n
More articles and updates to come soon Insha Allah
