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When kids Fight
Children
fight. It
is normal, it is natural, and it can drive you crazy!! You cannot
stop the fighting, but there is much you can do to deal with the
fighting - and even to limit it. Try using these suggestions to create
more peace in your home.
Avoid
"sensitive zones" Kids
will fight more at certain times of the day, or in certain situations.
Take a close look at your family and determine:
Does
more fighting occur just before dinner?
Try
feeding the kids a healthy snack at this time since hunger (or
high-sugar snacks) can trigger irritability. Boredom can also be a
problem, so create more structured activities for this time period.
Does
fighting occur just before bedtime?
A
very
specific routine for the after dinner hours can help. Prepare a
"schedule" for every activity. Be sure to include some Mom and
Dad time, since many kids fight to get attention from their parents.
"Bedtime Story, Du'a for Sleep, the reciting of the Surah's before
you go to bed" time is an effective deterrent to late night fights,
and it encourages family unity. Also, an added bonus is that you
encourage important life-time learning skills with this activity.
Does
fighting occur when your children have had too much time together?
Sometimes
kids can get along nicely for say, an hour, but longer periods create
friction. This is especially true if it's unstructured "free
play". Don't overestimate your childrens' endurance!
Does
fighting occur over the sharing of toys?
Decide
upon your family rules for sharing. Decide upon the
"consequences" for not obeying the rules. Write them down.
Keep them simple. Post them on the refrigerator at the child's eye
level. Illustrate with simple pictures for younger children (sticker
will do). Most important: follow through every time!
Don't
act as referee. "Who
started it?" or "What happened?" are very dangerous
questions!!! Usually you don't need to know! Allowing your children to
drag you into each and every dispute is unhealthy for their relationship
and frustrating for you! Instead try these suggestions:
Plant
the seeds of positive communication
by
saying things like, "I know you can work this out."
Make
a few suggestions and leave the room. "Since
there are four trucks and two children I think you can find a way to
share." For younger children you can be very specific with your
ideas.
Discourage
tattling. Kids
will learn to work things out. We have a rule in our house
Don't
rush to solve every problem.
Listen for signals that the scene is getting out of hand, but otherwise
don't intervene. The more you can manage to stay out of it the more
creative your children will be in solving their own squabbles. (It's a
known fact that kids will argue more and longer when a
parent is in the room!)
Show
positive attention when
children are playing together nicely. It's easy to ignore them when they
are quiet and happy - but this is when you should stop by and put your
arm around them and tell them that you love them and are glad that they
love each other!
Encourage
charitable feelings.
Make a big deal out of the little things siblings do for each other.
Call attention to the little acts of love. Encourage children to get
very involved in planning something special for a siblings
accomplishments or other occasion. Take them shopping for a special gift
for their sibling. Stir up the exciting feelings of giving and caring.
Set
realistic goals
for family harmony. If you expect NO fighting, total sharing, absolute
fairness, constant love and world peace you will be setting yourself up
for disappointment! Start where you are and try, little by little, to
improve matters. When parents use knowledge and skill to nurture sibling
relationships, they see many positive results!
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Children's
fights can drive any parent C R A Z Y!!! Learn specific ways to
handle fights and make your life much easier! |
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